Table of Contents >
Chapter 22. Youth Mentoring Programs >
Section 5. Building Youth/Mentor Relationships >
|
| Contributed by Lorraine Claassen Edited by Kate Nagy |
Tool 1: Heterosexuality questionnaire
Tool 2: Active listening
Tools
Tool # 1: Heterosexuality questionnaire
This is the "heterosexuality questionnaire" created by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. It is frequently used in speaking engagements and sensitivity training by gay groups to illustrate how gay people feel when asked certain questions by sometimes hostile straight audience. When you read these questions, keep in mind that as exaggerated as they sound, these are exact reversals of what we are often asked. They are designed to make you think about your personal prejudices.
Heterosexuality Questionnaire
- What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
- When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
- Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
- Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
- Isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
- Heterosexuals have histories of failures in gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?
- If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you know you wouldn't prefer that?
- If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?
- To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
- Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?
- If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?
- The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
- Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?
- How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?
- Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?
- How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?
- Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
- With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
- How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?
- There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
- A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or antisocial types are heterosexual. Why would anyone want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?
- Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?
- Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?
- Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?
- Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
Return to top
Tool # 2: Active listening
As we come to understand ourselves and our relationships with others better, we rediscover that "communication is not just saying words; it is creating true understanding." Active listening is an important skill in that process. Chances are that those who influence us most are powerful listeners. Whether instinctively or through practice, they have developed the skill of empathy. This activity comes from the Center for Rural Studies web page.
Use the directions on the sheets that follow to practice some of the basic active -listening skills:
1) Attending Skills (verbal and non-verbal)
2) Questions, Reflections, Summarization
3) Skills of Self-expression: "1-2-3 Pattern"
4) Practice Session on Effective Confrontation
LISTENING SKILLS
The group should be divided into subgroups of three. There will be three roles in each subgroup: speaker, listener, and observer. Everyone will take each role once in this practice, so divide into your subgroup and decide who is going to take which role first.
Directions:
Objective --The point of the practice session is to give each person the opportunity to learn how to use verbal and non-verbal minimal encouragers and become a better listener.
To the speaker --Your task is to talk about something that is important to you: your job, your family, a decision, or a question. The practice will be more helpful if you talk about something you really care about, although role-playing is possible. You may find yourself in the midst of discussing something important when the allotted time runs out. If this happens, you could make an agreement with the person listening to carry on later, after work or during a break.
To the listener --Your task is to practice the skills of the session: eye contact, body language, silences, and verbal minimal encouragers. Don't panic! Just concentrate on following the speaker's train of thought. Try to limit your responses to the skills discussed in this session.
To the observer --Your task is to observe the listener's verbal and non-verbal skills. Observe and count only as many behaviors (eye contact, body posture, verbal minimal encouragers, topic jumps) as you can manage and still be relatively accurate.
Procedure:
The first speaker will talk with the listener for three or four minutes. The listener will then discuss the listening experience with the two other members of the subgroup. (To the listener: What was comfortable? What was difficult? Did you stay with the speaker?) Then the speaker will share his or her feelings about the listener's listening. (To the speaker: Did you feel listened to? Was it helpful? Did the listener have any habits you found distracting?) The observer will then share observations. This sharing process should take about three or four minutes.
Now everyone change places. Have the listener become the speaker, the speaker the observer, and the observer the listener. Go through the five minutes of talking and listening and five minutes of exchanging remarks twice more so that each person takes each role once. The entire practice session should take about 25 minutes.
When you are finished, form a large group. Your facilitator will help you share your practice experiences. How are these skills relevant to your work? Where else would they be useful? Go around the group, so that the participants have a chance to share at least one thing they have learned about themselves in this practice session.
Return to top
Checklist
Here you'll find a checklist summarizing the major points in the text.
___You know why your relationship with your prot�g� is important
___You know how to build a mentoring relationship with youths
___You are consistent and reliable
___You use correct English
___You do not use profanity
___You keep your word
___You are friendly and polite
___You are helpful and respectful
___You know the steps for building trust
___You know the keys to good communication
___You know what active listening is
___You understand the steps to problem solving
___You know what to do when things don't work out
Return to top