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Chapter 20. Providing Information and Enhancing Skills >
Section 6. Training for Conflict Resolution >
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| Contributed by Rebecca Wolff and Jenette Nagy Edited by Bill Berkowitz and Jerry Schultz |
What is conflict resolution?
Why should you resolve conflict?
When should you resolve conflict?
How should you resolve conflict?
What is conflict resolution?
Conflict, arguments, and change are natural parts of our lives, as well as the lives of every agency, organization, and nation. The ability to find a peaceful solution to disagreement through conflict resolution is a skill that all of us need to create a more peaceful and productive society.
Conflict resolution is a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. The disagreement may be personal, financial, political, or emotional--or all of these! A conflict usually involves a dispute between two or more individuals or organizations.
Here are some times when conflict resolution might affect you as an individual:
- Your car mechanic has charged you twice what he charged your husband for the same repair, and you want a refund for part of what you paid;
- Your boss wants to transfer you to a division that you dislike, but you would prefer to stay where you are;
- Your neighbors want to build a fence on the edge of their property, but the fence will block your view of a nearby river.
There are also opportunities for conflict between your organization and other groups. For example:
- Your group wants to build low-income housing near the center of your town, but the town's zoning board is opposed;
- Another organization wants part of the proceeds from a fund-raiser being held for your group;
- The former president of your agency is forming a competing agency that will provide similar services to town residents.
How can you get what you want when you're in a situation like one of these? You are going to negotiate to resolve the disagreement. The goals of negotiation are:
- To produce a solution that all parties can agree to
- To work as quickly as possible to find this solution
- To improve, not hurt, the relationship between the groups in conflict
Conflict resolution through negotiation can be good for all parties involved. Often, each side will get more by participating in negotiations than they would by walking away. Remember the nursery rhyme about Jack Sprat? "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. And so between the two of them they licked their platters clean." Jack and his wife were both able to profit from their splitting of meals, because they didn't want the same things. Sometimes you'll discover the same thing about your opposition! Conflict resolution can be a way for your group to get resources that might otherwise be out of reach.
Why should you resolve conflict?
As the Jack Sprat rhyme shows, one good reason to negotiate with your opposition is to come to an agreement than benefits all parties. In this kind of situation, conflict can actually have a tremendous reward for your group. If there is a "winner" in the conflict, that doesn't necessarily mean that there's also a "loser." Many times, in a careful resolution, all parties can "win" something. This section will give you tips on how to create win-win situations when you're resolving conflicts.
There are other good reasons to negotiate, too. For example:
- To understand more about those whose ideas, beliefs, and backgrounds may be different from your own. Successful negotiators are masters of "walking a mile in someone else's shoes." In order to resolve a conflict well, you'll need to learn to see the conflict from another point of view--your opponent's! In the process, you'll learn more about this person or group's perspective and motivations.
- To ensure that your relationships with opponents continue and grow. If you make peace with your opponents, you increase your own allies in the community. Successful negotiations leave no one looking like a loser, and pave the way for smooth relationships in the future.
- To find peaceful solutions to difficult situations. Full-blown battles use up your precious resources--time, energy, good reputation, motivation. By negotiating, you avoid having to waste these resources on battles. And in the process you may actually make new allies and find new resources!
When should you resolve conflict?
Conflict resolution is appropriate for almost any disagreement. Our daily lives are a series of negotiations: Questioning your teenage daughter's low-cut blouse as she leaves for school in the morning; convincing a bus driver to accept a dollar rather than the required four quarters on the way to work; negotiating with your boss to have a larger role in the next staff training; requesting Chinese take-out rather than Mexican when your spouse picks up dinner on the way home.
Because each of us encounters situations like these every day, conflict resolution skills are powerful. You probably already have a variety of effective strategies for your most frequent conflicts. You hand your daughter a cardigan, remember exact change for the bus on at least a few occasions; send memos to your boss about your most recent accomplishments on the job; stuff coupons for the Chinese restaurant in your spouse's briefcase on his or her way to work.
For more serious conflicts, and conflicts between groups rather than individuals, you may need some additional skills. How, for example, should you structure a meeting between your group and your opponent(s)? When should you settle, and when should you fight for more? How should you react if your opponent attacks you personally? Read on for more information on specific conflict resolution techniques.
How should you resolve conflict?
There are seven steps to successfully negotiating the resolution of a conflict:
- Understanding the conflict
- Communicating with the opposition
- Brainstorming possible resolutions
- Choosing the best resolution
- Using a third party mediator
- Exploring alternatives
- Coping with stressful situations and pressure tactics
1. Understanding the conflict
Conflicts arise for a variety of different reasons. It is important for you to define clearly your own position and interests in the conflict, and to understand those of your opponent. Here are some questions to ask yourself so that you can better define the conflict. This list of questions also appears in the Tools portion of this section.
INTERESTS
- What are my interests?
- What do I really care about in this conflict?
- What do I want?
- What do I need?
- What are my concerns, hopes, fears?
POSSIBLE OUTCOMES
- What kinds of agreements might we reach?
LEGITIMACY
- What third party, outside of the conflict, might convince one or both of us that a proposed agreement is a fair one?
- What objective standard might convince us that an agreement is fair? For example:: a law, an expert opinion, the market value of the transaction.
- Is there a precedent that would convince us that an agreement is fair?
THEIR INTERESTS
- What are the interests of my opposition?
- If I were in their shoes, what would I really care about in this conflict?
- What do they want?
- What do they need?
- What are their concerns, hopes, fears?
Interests play an important role in better understanding conflict. Often, groups waste time "bargaining over positions." Instead of explaining what the interests of their position are, they argue about their "bottom line." This is not a useful way to negotiate, because it forces groups to stick to one, narrow position. Once they have dug into a particular position, it will be embarrassing for them to abandon it. They may spend more effort on "saving face" than on actually finding a suitable resolution. It is usually more helpful to explore the group's interests, and then see what positions suit such interests.
Example:
| Your parent group wants the local high school to change its American history textbook. You feel that the textbook doesn't represent the history of African-Americans, Latinos, and Asian-Americans in the U.S. adequately. You come to the School Committee and say, "The only textbook that works for us is The People of the United States, and that's final!" You have presented a position rather than your interests. By drawing a bottom line, you're stuck in one position. If you don't convince the School Committee to choose this textbook, you'll lose. A suggestion: A more effective way to approach the School Committee would be to state your interests. You might say, "We're concerned about the under representation of racial minorities in the current U.S. history textbook, and would like to find an alternative." By communicating your interests, rather than one position, you are leaving some room to negotiate but still being firm. |
Often, the same interest can have many positions. For example, the School Committee might vote to supplement the history textbook with a packet of articles about minorities; add mandatory units on slavery, the Harlem Renaissance, and Japanese internment camps, or offer a new course about minorities in America. These are different positions that address the same interest.
2. Communicating with the opposition
Now that you have thought through your own interests and those of the other party, you can begin to communicate directly with your opposition. Here are some tips for productive talks:
- Put yourself in their shoes. Listen. Their opinions are important to you, because their opinions are the source of your conflict. If something is important to them, you need to recognize this. Recognizing does not mean agreeing, of course!
- Let everyone participate who wants to. People who participate will have a stake in a resolution. They will want to find a good compromise.
- Talk about your strong emotions. Let the other side let off steam.
- Don't, however, react to emotional outbursts! Try an apology instead of yelling back. Apologizing is not costly, and is often a rewarding technique.
- Be an active listener. Rephrase what you're hearing as a question: "Let me see if I'm following you. You're saying that... Have I got that right?" You can still be firm when you're listening. Understanding is not the same as agreeing!
- Speak about yourself, not the other party. In the textbook example, you might say, "I feel angry to know that my children are reading this old-fashioned textbook--rather than, "How could you choose such a racist book?"
- Be concrete, but flexible. Speak about your interests, not about your position.
- Avoid early judgments. Keep asking questions and gathering information.
- Don't tell the opposition, "It's up to you to solve your problems." Work to find a solution for everyone.
- Find a way to make their decision easy. Don't call it a way for them to "save face." Try to find a way for them to take your position without looking weak. Egos are important in negotiations!
3. Brainstorming Possible Resolutions
Now that you know what the interests of both parties are, and how to better communicate with the opposition, you can start thinking about solutions. Look at all of the interests you have listed on your worksheet. Look for common interests. Often both parties share many interests. For example, both groups may want stability and public respect
Before you hold a brainstorming meeting, think carefully about how you'll set up the meeting. Write a clear purpose statement for the meeting. Try to choose a small group of 5-8 people total. Hold the meeting in a different environment from your usual location and setting. Make sure the setting is an informal one where people feel comfortable and safe. Find an unbiased facilitator, someone who can structure the meeting without sharing his or her own feelings about the conflict.
To begin brainstorming, decide whether you want to brainstorm with your opposition, or with only your group. In either case, you will want to establish some ground rules.
- Work on coming up with as many ideas as possible. Don't judge or criticize the ideas yet--this will keep people from thinking creatively.
- Try to maximize (not minimize) your options.
- Look for win-win solutions, in which both parties get something they want.
- Find a way to make their decision easy and strong-looking.
- During the meeting, seat people side by side, facing the "problem"--a blank chalkboard or large pad of paper for writing down ideas. The facilitator will remind people of the purpose of the meeting, review the ground rules, and ask participants to agree to those rules. During the brainstorming session, the facilitator will write down all ideas on the chalkboard or pad.
4. Choosing the best resolution
After the meeting, you will need to decide which resolution is best. Review your brainstorm ideas. Star the best ideas you have come up with. These are the ideas you will work with during the conflict resolution process. Set a time during which you'll decide which idea is the best.
The goal here is to use both groups' skills and resources to get the best result for everyone. Which resolution gives both groups the MOST? That resolution is probably the best one.
5. Using a third party mediator
As you are brainstorming and choosing a good resolution, you may want to use a third party mediator. This is a person who's not from your group or your opponent's group, but whom you both trust to be fair. Your mediator can help both sides agree upon a standard by which you'll judge your resolution. Standards are a way to measure your agreement. They include expert opinions, law, precedent (the way things have been done in the past), and accepted principles.
| For example, let's say you're building a new playground for your town's elementary school. You disagree with the superintendent about what kinds of materials you'll use to build the playground. The superintendent wants to use chemical-treated wood, but you feel it's unsafe. A mediator might read the current guidelines of the lumber industry and tell you which kinds of wood are considered safe for children. Maybe you and the superintendent will agree to follow the lumber industry's advice--in other words, to use that as the standard. |
Of course, there are often many kinds of standards. There may also be a national parent group that suggests certain safety guidelines for playgrounds. A mediator might help you and the superintendent negotiate about whose standard you'll use.
Your mediator could also, for example, run your brainstorming session. Here are some other possible jobs for a mediator:
- Setting ground rules for you and your opponent to agree upon (for example, you might both agree not to publicly discuss the dispute)
- Creating an appropriate setting for meetings
- Suggesting possible ways to compromise
- Being an "ear" for both side's anger and fear
- Listening to both sides and explaining their positions to one another
- Finding the interests behind each side's positions
- Looking out for win-win alternatives
- Keeping both parties focused, reasonable, and respectful
- Preventing any party from feeling that it's "losing face"
- Writing the draft of your agreement with the opposition
Example:
| Perhaps Harriet is considering quitting her job because her boss wants to transfer her to another office. The mediator might say, "It sounds like Harriet doesn't care about transferring to the downtown office. What she's worried about is losing rank. Harriet, do you agree with that? Ms. Snell, do you understand Harriet's concern? How can we assure Harriet she won't lose rank if she agrees to transfer?" |
6. Exploring alternatives
There may be times when, despite your hard work and good will, you cannot find an acceptable resolution to your conflict. You need to think about this possibility before you begin negotiations. At what point will you decide to walk away from negotiations? What are your alternatives if you can not reach agreement with your opponent?
It is important that you brainstorm your alternatives to resolution early on in the negotiation process, and that you always have your best alternative somewhere in the back of your mind. As you consider possible agreements with your opponent, compare them to this "best" alternative. If you don't know what the alternative is, you'll be negotiating without all the necessary information!
In order to come up with an alternative, start by brainstorming. Then, consider the pros and cons of each alternative. Think about which alternative is realistic and practical. Also think about how you can make it even better.
At the same time, don't forget to put yourself in the shoes of your opposition. What alternatives might they have? Why might they choose them? What can you do to make your choice better than their alternative?
Roger Fisher and Danny Ertel call this alternative your BATNA--Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. You can read more about BATNA in their book Getting Ready to Negotiate.
7. Coping with stressful situations and pressure tactics
So far, we've talked about how to negotiate with a fairly reasonable opponent. However, you need to be prepared to negotiate with all kinds of opponents, both reasonable and unreasonable. What if your opponent is more powerful and influential that you are? What if they choose a small, hot, windowless room for your meeting? What if they refuse to meet or talk with you?
All of these situations are stressful, and intended to put extra pressure on you to make a quick decision in the opposition's favor. When a situation like this takes place, stay calm, and go slow. Don't get angry or make a rushed decision. Instead, talk about the pressure tactic without judging. Here are some possible situation:
MY OPPONENT IS MORE POWERFUL!
If you have already decided on your best alternative, you have nothing to fear. You can walk away at any time, and go that route instead. Think about everything that you can do, and that your mediator can do. Although you may be weaker, you will be negotiating with all the available information.
MY OPPONENT IS PLAYING HARD!
When your opponent uses a dirty tactic, don't pretend it doesn't exist, and don't do the same back to them. Instead, recognize the tactic out loud. If you enter the negotiating room and find that it's very, very hot, you can say, "It's snowing outside, but it's 90 degrees in this room."
Comment on the tactic without judging the other side. "This kind of heat makes me sick. I won't be able to stay here and meet with you today. When can I come back?" You can also talk about what the situation would be like in the reverse. "My it's hot in here! I assume we will always meet in rooms at or above 88 degrees?" Don't forget that you never have to stay somewhere you don't want to be. You can just say, "It seems like you're not ready to sit down and negotiate fairly. Please contact me when you are."
MY OPPONENT WON'T BUDGE!
In a situation like this, you may be tempted to do the same thing: "If you won't change your mind, neither will I!" However, you will fail if you insist on sticking to your position. Instead, treat your opponent's position as a real possibility. Ask lots of questions. Listen to their logic. Understand what their interests are, and what it is that they really want. Learn what their criticisms of your idea are. The more you know about where they're coming from, the better a resolution you can invent.
In Summary:
In conflict resolution, the best solution is the solution that is best for both sides. Of course, that's not always possible to find, but you should use all your resources to solve your conflict as smoothly as you can. And just because you lost a battle or two in the way, it doesn't mean you lost the war.
We encourage reproduction of this material, but ask that you credit
the Community Tool Box: http://ctb.ku.edu
Resources
Altman, David G., et al. (1994). Public health advocacy: Creating community change to improve health. Palo Alto, CA: Stanford Center for Research in Disease Prevention.
Bisno, H. (1988). Managing Conflict. Newbury Park, MA: Sage Publications.
Evarts, W. R. et al. (1983). Winning through accommodation: The mediator's handbook. Dubuque, IA: Kendall/Hunt.
Fisher, R. and Ertel, D. (1995). Getting ready to negotiate: The getting to yes workbook. New York, NY: Penguin.
Fisher, Roger and William Ury. Getting to Yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in. New York: Penguin, 1991.
Sun Tzu, (550 B.C.) The Art of war, trans. Thomas Cleary (Boston: Shamhala, 1988).
Ury, W. (1993). Getting past No: Negotiating your way from confrontation to cooperation. New York: Bantam.