Section 2. Building Relationships with People from Different Cultures

 

Relationships are powerful. One-to-one connections can help people understand one another, work through differences, and take action on shared community priorities. Building relationships across cultural differences can be especially important in diverse communities where people bring different histories, experiences, identities, languages, and perspectives.

Whether you want to improve education, expand access to health care, strengthen local economic opportunities, address housing or environmental concerns, or work on another community priority, you will likely need to collaborate with people whose backgrounds and experiences differ from your own.

Effective collaboration depends on more than simply bringing different people together. Relationships develop through trust, respect, reliability, curiosity, shared work, and a willingness to listen and learn.

Strong relationships can help people continue working together when disagreements arise, circumstances become difficult, or outside pressures create division. They can also make it easier to recognize when different communities experience the same issue in different ways.

Regardless of your racial, ethnic, religious, linguistic, disability, socioeconomic, or other identities, you will probably work with people whose experiences you know little about.

Each of us can build relationships that connect us with people, organizations, and communities beyond our own immediate circles. Those relationships can expand our understanding and strengthen our ability to work together on shared goals.

In this section, we are going to talk about:

• Becoming more aware of your own cultures and identities as one step toward understanding other people's experiences.
• Building respectful relationships with people from different cultural backgrounds.

But first, let's briefly return to what culture is. Culture is a complex concept with many definitions. One useful way to understand it is as shared patterns of meaning, history, experience, values, practices, communication, and identity that develop within groups and communities.

Culture may be connected with race, ethnicity, national origin, language, religion, region, social class, gender, disability, profession, family, or many other forms of identity and community. People may belong to many cultures and communities at the same time, and those relationships may change throughout life.

Culture is not fixed, and people who share a cultural identity are not all alike. Individuals may participate in cultural traditions differently and may understand their own identities in ways that do not match other people's expectations.

How do you learn about people's cultures?

Start by becoming aware of your own cultures and identities.

Learning about your own experiences can help you recognize that many of the values, expectations, communication styles, and assumptions that feel “normal” to you have also been shaped by family, community, institutions, history, and culture.

Reflecting on your own experiences can also help you listen more carefully when other people describe theirs. If you have experienced discrimination, exclusion, belonging, privilege, cultural pride, migration, disability, economic change, or another significant experience, you may be able to use that reflection to become more thoughtful about experiences that are different from your own.

Reflection does not mean assuming that another person's experience is the same as yours. It means becoming more aware of the perspectives you bring into a relationship.

What cultures and identities are part of your life?

Do you identify with one cultural community or several? What communities, experiences, and identities have shaped how you understand yourself and the world?

Culture can be influenced by family history and ancestry, but it is also shaped by present-day relationships, neighborhoods, institutions, language, work, religion, disability communities, migration, education, and many other experiences.

In addition to cultural communities, people may identify strongly with other groups or life experiences, such as being a parent, athlete, immigrant, student, small business owner, caregiver, veteran, worker, or member of a profession. These experiences may influence how people understand themselves and how others respond to them.

Exercise: Try listing some of the cultures, communities, identities, and experiences that have shaped you. The examples below are only starting points. Include whatever feels meaningful to you.
What is your: Religion or spiritual tradition Nationality or national origin Race Ethnicity Sexual orientation Gender identity Occupation Relationship or family status Age or generation Geographic region Language or languages	Are you: A woman A man Nonbinary, genderqueer, or another gender identity A person with a disability or part of a disability community From an urban area From a rural area A parent or caregiver A student An immigrant, refugee, or person with migration experience	Have you experienced: Military service Poverty or economic hardship Incarceration or involvement with the justice system Economic security or wealth Middle-income circumstances Working-class circumstances Significant changes in social or economic circumstances

Did this exercise help you think about your identities, cultures, and experiences? Which have had the strongest influence on your life? Which identities are most visible to others, and which may be less visible?

How do you build relationships with people from other cultures?

There are many ways to learn about people whose cultural experiences differ from your own while also building respectful relationships. The following ideas are starting points rather than a fixed sequence.

• Build genuine relationships across cultural differences.
• Participate respectfully in diverse community spaces and activities.
• Examine your assumptions and biases.
• Ask respectful questions when people are comfortable sharing.
• Learn from reliable sources about communities, cultures, and histories.
• Listen to people's experiences without expecting them to represent an entire group.
• Notice differences in communication and participation without assuming one style is the standard.
• Be willing to make mistakes, repair harm, and continue learning.
• Act in solidarity and challenge discrimination.

Build genuine relationships across cultural differences

Relationships across differences often develop through repeated contact, shared activities, work, school, community organizations, recreation, neighborhood life, faith communities, volunteering, or other everyday experiences.

Segregation, economic inequality, transportation, residential patterns, language, discrimination, and institutional practices can limit opportunities for people from different backgrounds to meet one another. Creating more opportunities for interaction can help, but relationships should not be treated as projects in which one person is trying to “collect” diverse friends.

Approach people as individuals. Friendship should develop through mutual interest, respect, trust, and choice, just as any other relationship does.

If someone has experienced discrimination or exclusion, they may reasonably be cautious in a new relationship. Do not assume that caution is something you need to “overcome.” Trust is earned through consistent behavior, respect for boundaries, honesty, and time.

Participate respectfully in diverse community spaces and activities

One way to expand your experience is to participate in public events, organizations, activities, or community spaces that bring together people from backgrounds different from your own.

This might include cultural festivals, public lectures, neighborhood events, community organizations, volunteer activities, sports, arts programs, public meetings, or other spaces where participation is welcomed.

Enter these spaces as a participant or guest, not as an observer studying other people. Pay attention to the purpose of the event, follow community norms, respect leadership, and avoid making yourself the center of attention.

If an event or gathering is intended primarily for a particular community, do not assume that outside participation is appropriate. Look for public invitations or ask respectfully.

Examine your biases and assumptions

Everyone develops assumptions about groups of people. These may come from family, school, media, institutions, personal experiences, or broader cultural messages.

Having learned a stereotype does not mean you must continue believing or acting on it. The important step is noticing assumptions, questioning them, and changing behavior when they are inaccurate or harmful.

One exercise is to think about groups you tend to generalize about and ask yourself:

• What messages did I receive growing up about this group?
• What did family members, peers, institutions, or media communicate through words and behavior?
• Did I have meaningful relationships with people from this community?
• What did I learn – or fail to learn – in school?
• Whose histories and experiences were absent?
• Are there people or situations I avoid because of assumptions or discomfort? Why?
• What evidence supports or challenges the assumptions I have learned?

These reflections can be useful privately, with a trusted group, or as part of structured learning. The goal is not simply to identify stereotypes but to understand how they may influence behavior and decisions.

Ask respectful questions when people are comfortable sharing

Thoughtful questions can help people get to know one another, but no one is obligated to explain their culture, identity, discrimination, family history, or personal experiences.

Consider the relationship and the setting before asking. Questions such as “Would you mind telling me more about that?” or “Is it okay if I ask about this?” give people an opportunity to decide what they want to share.

Avoid asking one person to speak for an entire racial, ethnic, religious, disability, gender, immigrant, or other community.

Learn about other people's cultures and histories

Do some of your own learning through books, articles, museums, oral histories, documentaries, community organizations, scholarship, and other reliable sources.

Background knowledge can help you understand historical context and ask better questions, but it should not lead you to assume you already know an individual's experience because you have learned something about a group they belong to.

People are experts on their own experiences. They are not automatically representatives or experts on every person who shares one of their identities.

Don't forget to care and show caring

Cultural awareness is not a substitute for basic human care. Relationships grow when people listen, follow through, show concern, respect boundaries, and treat one another as whole people rather than primarily as members of demographic groups.

Listen to people tell their stories

Personal stories can help us understand how people experience family, community, identity, discrimination, belonging, opportunity, and change.

Listening should be voluntary and reciprocal. People should have control over what they share and should not feel expected to disclose painful or personal experiences in order to educate others.

Listening to people who have experienced discrimination can deepen understanding in ways that statistics or general descriptions may not. At the same time, one person's experience should not be generalized to an entire community.

Exercise:

If participants are comfortable, invite people in your neighborhood or organization to share an experience that has shaped their identity or understanding of community. Make participation optional and allow people to choose what they want to discuss.

In a workshop or retreat, participants might take several minutes to describe an experience, tradition, community, relationship, or identity that has been important in their lives. In larger groups, smaller conversations may make it easier for more people to participate.

Notice differences in communication and participation; don't assume one style is the right way.

People communicate and participate differently for many reasons, including personality, culture, language, disability, organizational hierarchy, experience, confidence, previous treatment, and the structure of the meeting itself.

Avoid immediately interpreting quietness as disengagement or frequent speaking as leadership. A well-designed meeting provides multiple ways for people to contribute.

Example:

You are in a group discussion. Several people speak frequently, while others contribute very little. The people speaking most often begin to assume that the quieter participants have little to say.

How might the group understand and respond to this?

There may be many reasons people are not speaking. Some may prefer more time to think before responding. Some may be participating in a language that is not their strongest language. Some may have experienced interruptions or dismissal in previous meetings. Others may prefer writing, small-group discussion, or another communication method.

Rather than assigning a cultural explanation to people without asking them, structure the meeting so there are several ways to participate.

For example:

• Have people discuss a topic in pairs or small groups before the larger discussion.
• Invite each person to contribute while allowing anyone to pass.
• Use a guideline that gives people who have not spoken an opportunity before the same people speak again.
• Rotate facilitation and leadership roles.
• Discuss participation patterns openly and respectfully.
• Ask participants what meeting formats help them contribute.
• Provide written, digital, or anonymous ways to share ideas when appropriate.
• Provide interpretation, captioning, accessible materials, or other communication supports when needed.

Example:

A high school basketball player regularly misses some practices because of important family responsibilities and events. The coach is frustrated because the absences affect the team's schedule.

How might this be understood and resolved?

Begin by talking with the student and family rather than assuming that the conflict is caused by culture or that one set of priorities is more legitimate than the other.

Families may place different importance on athletics, academics, employment, caregiving, religious observance, family events, or other responsibilities. Coaches and families can discuss expectations, identify which commitments are flexible, and explore whether scheduling or communication can reduce conflict.

The goal is not to decide whether the team's values or the family's values are “right.” It is to communicate clearly, understand the circumstances, and identify an arrangement that respects the student, family, team, and commitments involved.

Be willing to make mistakes, repair harm, and continue learning

When building relationships across differences, you may say or do something that another person experiences as insensitive or harmful.

Fear of making a mistake should not prevent relationships, but good intentions do not erase impact.

If someone tells you that something you said or did caused harm, listen without immediately becoming defensive. When appropriate, apologize, make the necessary correction, and consider what you can do differently in the future.

Do not expect the person affected to spend extensive time educating you. You can often continue learning through your own reflection and research.

Act in solidarity and learn to be an ally

Relationships across cultures also involve how people respond when discrimination, exclusion, or inequity occurs.

Being an ally can include speaking up when harmful comments are made, supporting fair policies, sharing access or resources, challenging discriminatory practices, amplifying the leadership of people directly affected, and participating in efforts for change.

Allyship is not about acting on behalf of people who are assumed to be unable to act for themselves. Whenever possible, follow the leadership and priorities of the people most directly affected by the issue.

Continue educating yourself about the histories, policies, and current concerns connected with the communities you work alongside. Do not expect individual community members to provide all of that education, but remain open to learning from people when they choose to share their experiences and perspectives.

In Summary

Relationships across cultural differences can strengthen community work, but they cannot be built through formulas or by treating people as representatives of demographic groups.

Begin by reflecting on your own cultures, identities, assumptions, and experiences. Understanding how your perspective has been shaped can make it easier to recognize that other people's perspectives have also developed through complex histories and experiences.

Build relationships through shared activities, mutual respect, curiosity, listening, reliability, and time. Learn about communities and histories through your own research as well as through relationships, and remember that individuals are experts on their own experiences rather than representatives of entire groups.

Avoid cultural assumptions when differences or conflicts arise. Ask what is happening, listen to the people involved, and design meetings, programs, and organizations so people have multiple ways to participate.

When mistakes occur, acknowledge them, repair harm where possible, and continue learning. When discrimination or exclusion occurs, relationships also require a willingness to act rather than simply understand.

Strong communities are built when people can maintain meaningful identities, form relationships across differences, participate in decisions that affect them, and work together without being expected to assimilate or leave important parts of themselves behind.