Section 8. Helping Parents Practice Prevention with Their Children and Teens

• How can community builders communicate with parents about prevention issues?

• What can parents do to support their children's health, safety, and well-being?

As community builders and health care workers, we need to think about how to support families in helping children and adolescents stay healthy and safe. Families may be navigating many concerns, including substance use, sexual health, violence, tobacco and nicotine use, unhealthy eating or weight-control behaviors, and other situations that can affect young people's health and well-being.

Parents and caregivers care deeply about their children and often want reliable information, practical strategies, and supportive resources that can help young people make healthy and informed choices.

As community builders, we can help. We can develop prevention education programs that are useful, accessible, and responsive to families. We can reach out to families throughout the community, build on their strengths and knowledge, and connect them with information, services, and support when needed.

However, no matter what we do, we have to start with the basics. In order to work effectively with parents and caregivers, we need to communicate respectfully about important and sensitive issues. Families may have different levels of access to reliable information and may have previous experiences with schools, health care systems, social services, or other institutions that affect their trust. Community builders should take those experiences seriously and focus on building respectful, transparent relationships rather than assuming that mistrust is something families simply need to overcome.

Additionally, we can help parents and caregivers identify ways to support their children's healthy development and decision-making. For example, what can adults do so young people feel comfortable coming to them when they need to talk or ask for guidance? How can families establish clear and reasonable expectations? How can they talk openly and accurately about relationships, sexual health, substance use, violence, and other sensitive issues?

How can community builders communicate with parents about prevention issues?

As community builders, we are eager to support families. But working with families around prevention issues is not always simple. Some parents and caregivers may have had experiences in which professionals or service systems approached them with criticism, assumptions, or unwanted advice rather than listening to their knowledge and priorities.

To be truly helpful to parents and families, we need to approach them as partners. That means recognizing their knowledge and strengths, understanding the circumstances they are navigating, listening to what they identify as important, and offering useful information and support without assuming that professionals always know best.

Trust develops through respectful and consistent relationships. When parents and caregivers feel heard and valued, they may be more comfortable asking questions, sharing concerns, and working collaboratively with community organizations.

Parenting can be demanding, and families may be balancing work, caregiving, financial pressures, housing concerns, health needs, transportation, and many other responsibilities. Some families have strong extended-family and community support networks, while others may have fewer people or resources available to help. Communities can support parents more effectively by recognizing these different circumstances rather than placing responsibility for every challenge solely on individual families.

Parents and caregivers bring important strengths to their children's lives. They know their children in ways that professionals and community organizations often do not, and many are continually learning, adapting, and working to support their children's growth and well-being.

At the same time, parents may not always have access to all of the information, time, resources, or support they would like. Community organizations can help close those gaps without suggesting that families themselves are deficient.

As community builders, our goal is therefore to communicate in ways that build trust and draw on the expertise and knowledge of parents and caregivers. Here are some steps you can take.

How do you communicate with parents about prevention?

Treat parents with respect

It's simple and essential, but easy to forget. Respect is fundamental to building trust. Approach parents and caregivers as people with knowledge, strengths, experiences, and genuine concern for their children's well-being. If communication conveys disrespect, judgment, or superiority, people are less likely to see the relationship as useful or trustworthy.

Listen without judgment

Listening is one of the most important elements of building trust. Parents and caregivers may not always have enough time or space to talk through concerns about their children. Listening carefully and without judgment can help people reflect on what is happening, identify strengths and challenges, and decide what kind of support or information might be useful.

Listening also helps community builders understand what families actually need rather than making assumptions. Parents may be balancing stress, uncertainty, competing responsibilities, or strong emotions, and giving them space to explain their experiences can lead to more useful conversations.

Emotions may surface during these conversations. If someone becomes sad, frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed, allow space for those emotions without rushing to stop them or immediately trying to solve the problem. Listen, acknowledge what the person is experiencing, and ask what kind of support would be helpful.

Appreciate parents and the job they are doing

Parents and caregivers often benefit from having their efforts recognized. When you notice something a parent is doing well, acknowledge it sincerely and specifically. Strength-based feedback can reinforce effective parenting practices and help create a collaborative relationship focused not only on problems, but also on what families are already doing successfully.

Build on the expertise of parents

As you begin to share information about prevention, start with what parents and caregivers already know. Ask what they have noticed about their children, what has worked in the past, and what concerns or questions they have. A parent may know, for example, that their adolescent communicates more openly after having time to decompress after school than immediately upon arriving home.

No parent has all the answers, and neither does any professional. Parents do, however, bring extensive knowledge of their children, family relationships, culture, routines, strengths, and circumstances. Connecting new prevention information with that existing knowledge can make strategies more relevant and practical.

Offer useful information about prevention to parents

Parents and caregivers often want dependable, current information about substance use, tobacco and nicotine products, sexual health, healthy relationships, violence prevention, mental health, eating behaviors, and other issues that may affect young people.

Whenever possible, respond to the questions families are actually asking and provide information in clear, accessible language.

Remember, less is often more. Detailed information can be valuable, but parents do not need to become experts on every issue before they can support their children. Practical strategies -- such as communicating openly, setting developmentally appropriate limits, recognizing warning signs, and knowing where to find reliable help -- may be more useful than overwhelming families with facts and statistics.

Avoid using fear unnecessarily. Prevention messages are generally more useful when they are accurate, realistic, and focused on helping families make informed decisions rather than frightening them.

Offer opportunities for parents to get together

Bringing parents and caregivers together for a meal, forum, discussion, workshop, or support group can provide valuable opportunities to share experiences, learn from one another, and build supportive relationships. Connecting with others who are navigating similar challenges can reduce isolation and strengthen community networks.

An ongoing parent meeting or support group may be especially helpful over time. Participants can discuss the successes and challenges of parenting, exchange ideas, and support one another. As trust develops, people may become more comfortable discussing difficult or sensitive issues.

Support groups can also give parents a place to process stress and frustration so that they have more emotional capacity for their children. Groups should promote respectful communication, confidentiality, and constructive ways of managing difficult emotions.

Parent groups can help people recognize their strengths, think through challenging situations, and learn from the experiences of others.

You can also encourage informal peer-support relationships in which parents or caregivers check in with one another regularly. These relationships might involve sharing experiences, listening, exchanging practical ideas, or simply offering encouragement.

Encourage parents to advocate for their children when necessary

Although families can do a great deal within the home, some challenges also require changes in schools, health systems, community organizations, or other institutions. For example, if a parent believes their child is experiencing racial discrimination at school, addressing that concern may require action within the school or district rather than expecting the family or child to resolve the problem on their own.

Parents and caregivers may face barriers when raising concerns with schools, school boards, health systems, or other institutions. These barriers may include unfamiliar procedures, language access, previous negative experiences, time constraints, concerns about retaliation, or uncertainty about how to begin. Community builders can provide information, accompany families when appropriate, connect them with advocacy organizations, or offer leadership and advocacy training.

So, now you are better prepared to communicate with parents and caregivers about sensitive issues. What information and strategies can help them support their children's health, safety, relationships, and decision-making? Read on.

What can parents do to support their children's health, safety, and well-being?

Below are some general strategies parents and caregivers can use to support healthy development and reduce the likelihood of harmful outcomes. Many of these steps do more than prevent problems -- they can also strengthen relationships, confidence, communication, and resilience.

• Stay connected with your children and adolescents
• Talk with children about your values and expectations
• Give your children reliable, age-appropriate information
• Help your children build decision-making and communication skills
• Get the help and support you need

Stay connected with your children and adolescents

Staying connected with your children is an important part of supporting healthy development. Young people benefit from relationships with parents, caregivers, and other trusted adults who listen to them, care about them, and are available when they need support. This doesn't mean families will never disagree. Conflict and changes in closeness are normal parts of family relationships. What matters is creating ongoing opportunities for communication, trust, and reconnection.

Children and adolescents vary in how they show closeness and how much independence they want at different stages of development. Even when a young person seems less interested in family interaction, maintaining a respectful and dependable relationship can provide an important source of support.

Here are some ways to stay connected with your children and adolescents:

Listen

Just as parents need people who will listen to them, children and adolescents also need opportunities to be heard. Listening carefully can build trust and help you understand what your child is experiencing.

Listening isn't always easy. Concern can lead adults to interrupt, lecture, solve problems too quickly, or ask more questions than a young person is ready to answer. Sometimes the most useful first step is simply giving them time to speak.

Children also communicate in different ways. Younger children may communicate through play, behavior, drawings, or emotions. Adolescents may prefer talking while doing another activity, communicating by text, or waiting until they feel ready. Pay attention to the different ways your child communicates.

For example, a younger child may reveal what's on their mind while playing, while an older child may begin talking during a car ride, while listening to music, cooking together, or spending time in the same room. Let communication happen in ways that feel comfortable and appropriate for your child.

Appreciate your children

Children and adolescents benefit from knowing that the adults who care for them notice their strengths, effort, growth, kindness, creativity, persistence, and other positive qualities. Specific and sincere encouragement can strengthen connection and confidence.

Appreciation does not mean ignoring problems or pretending everything is going well. It means making sure your relationship includes recognition of who your child is and what they are doing well, not only correction when something goes wrong.

Spend enjoyable time with your children

Shared activities are a valuable way to stay connected. What those activities look like will vary by age, interests, culture, ability, and personality. You might play a game, cook, read, exercise, watch a show, work on a project, go for a walk, listen to music, or simply spend time talking.

Parents and caregivers are often tired and busy, so this doesn't have to involve large amounts of time or elaborate activities. Short, consistent opportunities for positive interaction can still matter.

Set aside one-on-one time with your children

Family life can be busy and full of interruptions. Setting aside even a short period of focused time with an individual child can help strengthen your relationship.

Depending on your family's schedule and your child's age, you can:

• Spend uninterrupted time together doing something your child enjoys
• Let your child help choose the activity
• Take an interest in activities that matter to your child, even when they aren't activities you would choose for yourself
• Focus on enjoying time together rather than using every interaction to correct behavior or discuss problems

Help children understand and express their emotions

Children and adolescents experience a wide range of emotions. Helping them recognize, name, and express those emotions in safe ways can support communication and emotional development.

When a child becomes upset, avoid assuming that you immediately know why. Ask what happened, listen, and help them identify what they are feeling. Some children may want to talk right away; others may need time to calm down first.

Laughter, play, quiet time, movement, conversation, creative activities, and crying can all be ways people respond to emotion. The goal is not to eliminate difficult feelings, but to help children learn ways to express and manage them without harming themselves or others.

Anger can have many causes, including frustration, fear, embarrassment, disappointment, feeling misunderstood, or experiencing unfair treatment. Stay curious about what may be underneath the anger while also maintaining appropriate limits around threatening, destructive, or harmful behavior.

Be affectionate and show your caring

Children and adolescents benefit from regular reassurance that they are cared for. Affection can take many forms, including hugs when welcomed, encouraging words, time together, checking in, helping with something important, or simply saying that you love and appreciate them.

Respect your child's preferences and boundaries around physical affection. As children grow, the ways they prefer to receive affection may change.

Don't give up when you and your child temporarily disconnect

Stress, disagreements, changing developmental needs, and everyday pressures can sometimes create distance between parents and children. A temporary disconnection does not necessarily mean the relationship is damaged permanently.

Reconnection may take patience. Rather than pressuring a child to talk before they're ready, continue offering calm, low-pressure opportunities for connection.

• Do something enjoyable together without immediately returning to the conflict
• Take care of your own stress so you can approach your child calmly
• Let your child know you're available when they're ready to talk
• Look for ordinary opportunities to reconnect through shared activities
• Return to the disagreement when both of you are calm enough to communicate constructively

If you and your child have felt disconnected for a long time, rebuilding trust may take time. Continue showing interest, reliability, and respect. If the relationship remains difficult or there are serious concerns about communication, behavior, safety, or mental health, consider seeking support from a family counselor, health professional, school professional, or another trusted resource.

How to stay connected with pre-teens and adolescents

As children become more independent, their relationship with parents and caregivers often changes. They may share less immediately, spend more time with peers, or want greater privacy. These changes don't necessarily mean they no longer value their relationship with you.

Adolescents may communicate more easily while doing something else together rather than during a formal conversation. Driving somewhere, making food, watching a show, exercising, gaming, listening to music, or simply spending time in the same room may create natural opportunities for conversation.

Take an interest in the people, activities, music, games, sports, causes, and other things your adolescent cares about without pretending to know everything about them. Respectful curiosity can help you stay connected while also recognizing their growing independence.

Talk to children about your values and expectations

Communicate and model your values

It can be helpful to talk openly with children about your values, beliefs, and expectations. As children grow, they encounter different viewpoints from family, peers, school, media, online communities, and the broader world. Clear conversations about what your family values can give them a foundation for thinking through difficult choices.

At the same time, ask children what they think and why. Helping young people examine information, consider different perspectives, and develop their own reasoning can strengthen their ability to make thoughtful decisions.

Children also notice whether adults' behavior matches what they say. Parents do not need to present themselves as perfect. When appropriate, acknowledging mistakes, apologizing, and talking honestly and age-appropriately about challenges can model responsibility, reflection, and growth.

Tell your children what you expect from them

Clear, age-appropriate expectations can help young people make decisions when they encounter situations involving alcohol and other substances, nicotine products, sexual activity, violence, driving, parties, online behavior, and other issues.

Talk through realistic situations in advance. For example, what should your adolescent do if the person who is supposed to drive has been drinking or using other substances? Can they call you for a ride without fearing an immediate punishment? What are your family's expectations about alcohol, vaping, relationships, consent, curfews, parties, and checking in? Clear expectations are most useful when children also understand the reasons behind them.

Give children reliable information about substance use, sexual health, relationships, body image, and other health issues

Children and adolescents need accurate, age-appropriate information. They receive information from many sources -- friends, school, social media, websites, television, videos, influencers, and others -- and the quality of that information varies. Parents and caregivers can help young people evaluate what they hear and know where to find trustworthy information.

You may need to educate yourself as well. Health care providers, schools, public health agencies, evidence-based prevention organizations, and other credible sources can help.

When choosing books, websites, videos, curricula, or other prevention materials, consider who created them, whether the information is current, whether credible evidence supports the recommendations, whether they are appropriate for your child's age, and whether the material respects the experiences and identities of the young people using it.

Often, the best conversations begin with listening. Ask what your child already knows, what they have heard from friends or online, and what they think about it. Then clarify misinformation and provide additional information as needed. Try to create an atmosphere in which young people can ask questions without immediately feeling judged or punished.

Give accurate information without exaggerating risks simply to frighten children. When young people later discover that a warning was misleading, they may become less likely to trust other guidance. Honest, realistic information is more likely to support informed decisions.

Help children build skills in making decisions

Encourage thoughtful decision-making

Children and adolescents need opportunities to practice making choices. Decision-making develops over time through experience, guidance, reflection, and increasing responsibility.

One way to build these skills is to give children developmentally appropriate choices and allow them to experience reasonable consequences when it is safe to do so.

For younger children, choices might include selecting between two activities, choosing what book to read, deciding how to organize a project, or choosing among parent-approved after-school activities. Older children and adolescents might take increasing responsibility for schedules, budgeting, extracurricular activities, schoolwork, or other decisions appropriate to their age.

When possible, use everyday decisions as opportunities for learning rather than deliberately creating situations likely to make a child sick, frightened, or unsafe. Natural consequences that arise within reasonable boundaries can teach valuable lessons without exposing children to unnecessary harm.

As children make decisions, stay available to help them think through their options. Ask questions such as: What matters most to you? What might happen if you choose this option? Who else could be affected? What would you do if things don't go the way you expect?

For example, an adolescent deciding whether to continue a dating relationship may benefit from questions such as, "How do you feel when you're with this person?" "Do you feel respected and safe?" "Are your boundaries respected?" and "What do you want from this relationship?" Whenever safety permits, the goal is to help them build their own judgment rather than making every decision for them.

At times, parents and caregivers do need to intervene or set limits, particularly when a decision could create serious or immediate harm.

Set sensible limits

Children and adolescents are still developing judgment and may not always recognize risks or understand the consequences of a decision. At other times, they may act in ways that could harm themselves or others. Clear and developmentally appropriate limits can help protect safety while also teaching responsibility.

Limits are generally most effective when they are explained clearly, connected to the behavior in question, applied consistently, and combined with respect and care.

Strong emotions may arise when limits are set. A child or adolescent may feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, or misunderstood. Those emotions can be acknowledged without allowing threats, physical aggression, harassment, or other harmful behavior. Parents can communicate, "I understand that you're angry, and we can talk about that. It's still not okay to hurt someone or destroy things."

Whenever possible, choose consequences that relate logically to the situation and help the young person practice the behavior you want them to develop. For example, if an adolescent repeatedly misses an agreed-upon check-in time, you might temporarily adjust the curfew and create a plan for demonstrating reliability before extending it again.

Keep your child's environment safe

Parents and caregivers can reduce unnecessary access to potentially harmful substances and products. Store medications, cannabis products, alcohol, firearms, nicotine products, toxic chemicals, and other potentially dangerous items securely and in ways appropriate to the age and circumstances of children in the household.

Environmental safety is only one part of prevention. As young people become more independent, communication, skills, supportive relationships, and accurate information become increasingly important.

Teach skills for handling pressure, setting boundaries, and asking for help

Children and adolescents may encounter pressure related to substance use, vaping, sexual activity, violence, risky online behavior, or other situations. Help them think in advance about how they might respond, leave an unsafe situation, set boundaries, contact a trusted adult, or support a friend who needs help.

Conversations about sexual situations should include consent, respect for boundaries, healthy relationships, contraception, and STI prevention rather than focusing only on "refusal." Young people should understand that they have the right to say no, change their mind, communicate what they do want, and expect others to respect their boundaries.

Role-playing can help young people practice difficult conversations. For example, you might practice how they could respond if someone pressures them to vape, drink alcohol, use another substance, send an intimate image, get into a car with an impaired driver, or participate in something that makes them uncomfortable. Keep the activity realistic and supportive rather than turning it into an interrogation.

Get the help you need

In order to support your children, you may need support too. Parenting and caregiving can be demanding, particularly when combined with work, financial pressures, health concerns, relationship stress, or other responsibilities. Taking care of your own well-being can help you remain more present and responsive with your children.

Support may come from friends or family, parent groups, faith or community organizations, schools, health care providers, family counselors, mental health professionals, parenting programs, respite services, or other community resources. Seeking support is not a sign of failure; it is one way families strengthen their ability to respond to challenges.

In Summary

Children and adolescents are important members of every community, and supporting their health and well-being is a shared responsibility. Parents and caregivers play a central role, but families are most effective when they also have supportive relationships, reliable information, accessible services, safe environments, and communities that help young people thrive.

Community builders can contribute by listening to parents and caregivers, respecting their knowledge, providing useful information and resources, reducing barriers to support, and creating opportunities for families to connect with one another. Parents and caregivers, in turn, can strengthen relationships with their children, communicate openly, establish clear expectations, support growing independence and decision-making skills, and seek help when they need it.