Section 6. Training for Conflict Resolution

• What is conflict resolution?

• Why should you resolve conflict?

• When should you resolve conflict?

• How should you resolve conflict?

What is conflict resolution?

Conflict, disagreement, and change are natural parts of our lives, as well as the lives of agencies, organizations, communities, and nations.

Conflict resolution is a process through which two or more parties work to understand a disagreement and find a constructive way forward. The disagreement may involve personal, financial, political, organizational, or emotional concerns.

When a dispute arises, negotiation is often one useful way to address the disagreement.

The goals of negotiation are:

• To develop a solution or agreement that the parties can accept
• To use time and resources effectively while allowing enough time for meaningful discussion
• To preserve or strengthen relationships whenever possible

Conflict resolution through negotiation can benefit everyone involved. Often, parties can accomplish more by working through the disagreement together than by ending communication. Negotiation can also uncover shared interests, new options, and resources that may not have been visible at the beginning.

Why should you resolve conflict?

The main goal of negotiation is to reach an agreement or path forward that addresses the important interests of the parties involved as fairly as possible.

Some other good reasons to negotiate are:

• To better understand people whose ideas, experiences, beliefs, priorities, or backgrounds may differ from your own. Resolving a conflict often requires learning how the other parties understand the issue and what matters most to them.
• To maintain or strengthen relationships. A constructive resolution can make future communication and collaboration easier, even when the parties continue to disagree on some issues.
• To find constructive solutions to difficult situations. Prolonged conflict can use large amounts of time, energy, trust, and other resources. Effective negotiation can reduce those costs and sometimes create new partnerships or opportunities.

When should you resolve conflict?

Conflict resolution can be useful for many kinds of disagreement. Our daily lives offer plenty of opportunities for negotiation - between family members, co-workers, friends, organizations, and community groups - and you probably already use a variety of strategies for resolving minor conflicts.

More serious conflicts, especially those involving groups, institutions, significant power differences, or long-standing disagreements, may require additional planning and skills. How should you structure a meeting between the parties? When should you accept a proposed agreement, and when should you continue negotiating? How should you respond when conversations become tense or personal? Read on for more information on specific conflict resolution techniques.

Conflict resolution and negotiation are not appropriate substitutes for safety planning, accountability, or formal procedures when a situation involves violence, abuse, harassment, coercion, threats, discrimination, or another serious risk of harm. In those situations, protecting people's safety and rights may need to come first, and mediation may require specially trained professionals or may not be appropriate at all.

How should you resolve conflict?

There are seven steps to successfully negotiating the resolution of a conflict:

1. Understand the conflict
2. Communicate with the other parties
3. Brainstorm possible resolutions
4. Choose the best resolution
5. Use a third-party mediator when helpful
6. Explore alternatives
7. Cope with stressful situations and pressure tactics

1. Understand the conflict

Conflicts arise for many different reasons. It is important to define your own position and interests clearly while also working to understand the interests of the other parties. Here are some questions to ask yourself so that you can better define the conflict.

Interests

• What are my interests?
• What do I really care about in this conflict?
• What do I want?
• What do I need?
• What are my concerns, hopes, or fears?

Possible Outcomes

• What kinds of agreements or outcomes might be possible?

Legitimacy

• Is there a trusted third party who could help the parties evaluate whether a proposed agreement is fair?
• What objective standards might help us evaluate whether an agreement is fair? Examples might include law, research evidence, professional standards, community agreements, or market value.
• Is there a relevant precedent that might help us evaluate possible agreements?

Their Interests

• What are the interests of the other parties?
• If I were in their position, what might I care about most in this conflict?
• What do they want?
• What do they need?
• What might their concerns, hopes, or fears be?

Interests play an important role in understanding conflict. Groups sometimes spend so much time bargaining over fixed positions that they lose sight of the reasons behind those positions. Once people become strongly identified with a single position, changing it can feel like losing. Exploring underlying interests can create more room for solutions that address what each party actually needs or values.

Example:

Your parent group wants the local high school to revise the way U.S. history is taught. You are concerned that the current textbook and curriculum give too little attention to the histories and experiences of Black, Latino, Asian American, Indigenous, and other communities.

You might begin by saying, "The only acceptable solution is to replace the current textbook with The People of the United States, and that's final." That statement presents one fixed position rather than explaining the interests behind it. If the School Committee rejects that particular textbook, the discussion may quickly reach a dead end.

A more productive approach would be to state the underlying interest: "We're concerned that the current curriculum does not adequately represent the histories and experiences of the diverse communities that have shaped the United States. We'd like to work together on ways to address those gaps."

The same interest could be addressed in several ways. The School Committee might adopt a different textbook, add supplemental readings and primary sources, revise required units, include more local and community history, or make broader curriculum changes. Different solutions may address the same underlying concern.

2. Communicate with the other parties

Now that you have thought through your own interests and those of the other parties, you can begin to communicate directly. Here are some tips for productive conversations:

• Listen. If something is important to another party, you need to understand that even if you don't agree with it.
• Create meaningful opportunities for participation. People who are affected by the outcome should have appropriate opportunities to contribute to the discussion and understand how decisions will be made.
• Acknowledge strong emotions. Conflict can involve anger, frustration, fear, grief, or disappointment. Allow people to express concerns while maintaining expectations for respectful and safe communication.
• Don't automatically respond to escalation with escalation. If the conversation becomes heated, slow down. Clarify misunderstandings, take a break if necessary, and apologize when you have genuinely caused harm or made a mistake.
• Be an active listener. Rephrase what you're hearing as a question: "Let me see if I'm following you. You're saying that... Have I got that right?" You can listen carefully while still being clear and firm about your own concerns.
• Describe your own experience and concerns rather than assigning motives to the other party. In the textbook example, you might say, "I'm concerned that my children aren't seeing the histories of many communities reflected accurately in the curriculum," rather than assuming that the other party intentionally chose an exclusionary curriculum.
• Be concrete, but flexible. Be clear about your interests and needs while remaining open to more than one possible solution.
• Avoid early judgments. Keep asking questions and gathering information before deciding that you fully understand the other party's perspective.
• Look for shared responsibility where appropriate. Rather than treating the problem as belonging entirely to one party, ask what each person or group can contribute to a workable solution.
• Make it possible for people to reconsider or modify their positions without humiliation. People are more likely to move toward agreement when changing course does not require them to publicly admit defeat.

3. Brainstorm Possible Resolutions

Now that you better understand the interests of the parties and have begun communicating, you can start thinking about possible solutions. Look for shared interests as well as differences. Even groups in serious conflict often have some common goals, such as stability, safety, fairness, financial sustainability, community trust, or respect.

Before you hold a brainstorming meeting, think carefully about how you'll set it up. Write a clear purpose statement. Consider a group size that allows everyone to participate. Choose a setting that is accessible and where participants can communicate safely and comfortably. If helpful, use a neutral facilitator who can guide the process without advocating for one side.

Decide whether it makes sense to brainstorm together or for each group to develop ideas separately before meeting. In either case, establish some ground rules.

• Generate as many ideas as possible before evaluating them. Early criticism can make people less willing to suggest creative options.
• Try to expand rather than prematurely narrow your options.
• Look for solutions that address important interests of all parties where possible.
• Consider what would make an agreement realistic and acceptable for the people who need to carry it out.
• During the meeting, make the problem -- rather than the people -- the focus. Use a whiteboard, shared document, large pad of paper, or another visible method to record ideas. The facilitator can review the purpose and ground rules and make sure participants have opportunities to contribute.

4. Choose the best resolution

After brainstorming, review the possible resolutions together. Consider which options best address the interests of the parties, protect important rights and needs, are realistic to implement, and are likely to be sustainable.

The goal is not necessarily to split everything equally. A strong resolution is one that the parties can accept as fair and workable and that addresses the most important interests involved.

5. Use a third-party mediator

As you work toward a resolution, you may want to use a third-party mediator. A mediator is someone who is not part of either side of the conflict and whom the parties trust to help facilitate a fair process. A mediator can help clarify interests, structure discussion, identify areas of agreement and disagreement, and help the parties evaluate possible resolutions.

For example:

Suppose your community group and the school district disagree about materials for a new elementary school playground. Rather than relying on personal preference, a mediator could help both parties identify relevant safety standards, accessibility guidance, environmental considerations, maintenance requirements, and costs. The parties could then agree to evaluate the options using those shared standards.

Your mediator could also, for example, facilitate your brainstorming session.

Here are some other possible roles for a mediator:

• Helping the parties establish ground rules for communication
• Creating an appropriate and accessible setting for meetings
• Helping identify possible compromises or new options
• Creating space for both parties to express concerns and strong emotions constructively
• Listening to both parties and helping clarify what each is communicating
• Identifying the interests behind each party's positions
• Looking for solutions that benefit or are acceptable to all parties
• Helping the parties remain focused, constructive, and respectful
• Helping people modify positions without feeling publicly defeated or disrespected
• Helping draft an agreement that accurately reflects what the parties have decided

Suppose Harriet is considering leaving her job because her supervisor wants to transfer her to another office. Through discussion, a mediator may discover that the location itself isn't Harriet's main concern; she's worried that the transfer will reduce her responsibilities or professional standing. The mediator can help Harriet and her supervisor clarify that concern and explore whether the transfer can occur without changing her role, compensation, or opportunities.

6. Explore alternatives

There may be times when, despite serious effort, you cannot reach an acceptable resolution. Think about this possibility before negotiations begin. At what point would you decide that a proposed agreement is not acceptable? What alternatives are available if an agreement cannot be reached?

It is helpful to identify your alternatives early in the process and keep your strongest realistic alternative in mind as negotiations continue. Compare proposed agreements with that alternative rather than accepting an agreement simply because you have invested time in negotiating.

To identify alternatives, brainstorm several possibilities. Consider the strengths, drawbacks, likely consequences, and feasibility of each one. Think about whether any of them can be improved.

Also consider the alternatives available to the other parties. Understanding what they might do if negotiations fail can help you better understand their choices and interests.

Roger Fisher and Danny Ertel call your strongest alternative your BATNA -- Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. You can read more about BATNA in their book Getting Ready to Negotiate.

7. Cope with stressful situations and pressure tactics

Negotiations do not always take place between parties with equal power, resources, influence, or willingness to cooperate. One party may have much greater authority, may refuse to meet, may create artificial deadlines, or may use other tactics that increase pressure.

When this happens, avoid making rushed decisions simply to end the discomfort. Slow the process down when possible, identify the pressure tactic, return to your interests and alternatives, and seek advice or support when needed. Significant power imbalances may also make a mediator, advocate, facilitator, or other outside support especially important.

Here are some possible situations:

The other party has more power or influence

A strong understanding of your alternatives can help you negotiate more effectively even when the other party has greater formal power. Consider what resources, relationships, evidence, public support, legal rights, policies, or other forms of influence are available to you. A mediator, advocate, coalition partner, or trusted advisor may also help strengthen the process.

The other party won't change its position

If another party appears unwilling to move, avoid responding by becoming equally rigid. Ask questions. Listen to the reasoning behind the position. Try to identify the underlying interests, concerns, constraints, and fears. Understanding why someone is holding a position may reveal options that neither side initially considered.

In Summary

Conflict resolution works best when the parties move beyond fixed positions and try to understand one another's interests, concerns, and needs. The strongest outcome is not always a perfect "win-win," but a fair, realistic, and sustainable resolution that the parties can accept and carry out.

Successful conflict resolution requires listening, clear communication, creativity, attention to power differences, and a willingness to consider more than one possible solution. When necessary, neutral mediators or other trusted third parties can help people work through difficult disagreements while protecting relationships, rights, and community well-being.